I just stumbled across this video (click the link above) by Alicia Danielson-Runge on YouTube. Her story makes me feel like there is another person out there who understands my experience.
People say the children will come back.
Some of your friends and family believe you did something to deserve being rejected.
You start to believe this yourself.
I fear losing my younger daughter the way I lost my older daughter, though she has so far resisted the pressure to reject me. It still might happen.
I will probably not get to know where Gus will attend college.
I have struggled with depression.
For now, I am not ready to walk away and give up on reunification before Gus turns eighteen. Yet, sometimes the healthiest thing for a targeted parent to do is walk away. There is grief if you go and grief if you keep trying. It’s not a choice between being selfish or or loving your alienated child. It’s a choice between staying in a situation that might actually kill you on the one hand, and leaving so that you may know the joy of being with your child again one day.
I don’t think your heart stops breaking in the alienation dynamic, even if you walk away. However, you can go farther away from the toxic situation so that your broken heart has a chance to keep beating.
Your child will have someone to come back to.